Journal: quick update

TODAY

Out my window: Dark.  It is unseasonably warm this past week and weekend.  Looks like Autumn returns on Tuesday.

Clothing myself in: jammies.  

Around the house: I finally put an art-line up for the kids.  Fridge-door space just wasn't cutting it.  Gemma has so many things from school, plus the things she makes at home, and now Kolbe likes to make projects plus his speech teacher will do little crafts with him.  Even Clem painted a paper plate pumpkin today!  So I got some twine from the dollar bin at Target and some clips and strung it across the fireplace on the two end-hooks where we hang our Christmas stockings.  It is sweet.  Definitely looks like children live in our house, but I like it.

The baby/toddler: He has this little swagger he does sometimes when he walks.  Cracks me up.  For whatever reason he hates having to go to the bathroom before his bath every night, so every night, without fail, I hear him tell Aaron, "but I ah-yeddy MAKE my pobbies!"  Even if it's been hours.  He is such a funny kid!

 

The kiddos: Lots of time outdoors lately.  Everyone is happier when we are outdoors.  Gemma has had a good week.  Kolbe tried to sharpen his finger in the pencil sharpener.  They have played together really well (mostly) this past week.  I record these things so I can look back and actually believe they happen.

In the kitchen: Tostadas, Breakfast Casserole, Spaghetti and a big 'ole pot of Halloween chili on the menu this week.

Crafting: The kids made paper plate jack-o-lanterns today, so I'm claiming that along with aforementioned art line, thank you.

Learning:  the usual.

Reading: I picked up The Mitchells series for Gemma and we started Clare's Costly Cookie tonight.  I have ordered used copies of The Children of Noisy Village and its sequel.  And I have The Family Under the Bridge from the library, but think we will wait on it until closer to Christmas.  I also picked up a couple used hardcovers for our Advent/Christmas library at home and have requested our November books from the library (I thought we'd take a break from our [formal] Virtues and discuss gratitude, aptly).

Watching: The World Series, of course.

Bringing me joy: The kids.  I love them.  They  make me nuts and test my patience in ways I never dreamed (or hoped) possible, but oh I love them.  They are each so unique and special and delightful in their very own ways.

Thinking about: The Ebola outbreak.  It didn't really have me too worried, until the few cases in Texas.  Even then I knew I was being unreasonable worrying about it, a.) because it wasn't incredibly likely to spread, and b.) if it was going to spread, there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it anyways.  But as I thought about it, it really hit home how many people, people...moms and dads, sons and daughters, sisters and brothers...are dying in Africa.  And how scared, and sad, and lonely and horrifying that must be.  I can't even imagine.  It is hard for me to fathom, or even think about for too long.  But it has made me pray more consciously for those directly affected, on my own and with the kids. 

Pictures to share:  

I like this little montage of Clem, at the park one day last week.  He was so focused on balancing.

12 ways I'm trying *not* to be the meanest mom in the world

I recently stumbled upon the article 12 Ways to be the Meanest Mom in the World.  While I actually agreed with virtually all the points the author made, I thought the way the article was framed was awful.  Yes, I want my children to learn responsibility for themselves and their actions.  Yes, I want them to learn independence and confidence and all those other good traits.  But children are children.  They are people, but they are not miniature adults, and I don't feel like it is right or responsible for me, as their mother, to treat them as such.

As a Catholic mother, the "mean-mom badge of honor" is just not something for which I am striving.  The "us-against-them" mentality when it comes to parenting really grates on me.  No, I certainly don't think it is my job to be my kid's BFF, but I like to think it is important for them to know that, no matter what, I am on their side.  That I am here to help them when no one else will be.  That my job description is something more along the lines of tenderly guiding them through experiencing the emotions and realities of life versus standing on the sidelines and watching them fail, all in the name of teaching responsibility and independence.  So I am taking the same concepts, re-titling, re-framing, and giving you 12 ways I'm trying not to be the meanest mom in the world.

1. Establish healthy sleep-routines from an early age, so your children learn to listen to their bodies and recognize their needs
   Good sleep is important.  A child who lives in a home with an established bedtime/naptime routine (at generally the same time each day, give or take) will not generally balk at bedtime.  Sure there are holidays and vacations and such where routines get out of whack, but then can the child really be blamed for "off" behavior?  Think about the last time you spent several days eating bad food and getting too little sleep.  If your mood wasn't very good, is it really reasonable or fair to expect more from a child than you expect from yourself?  Bedtimes will occasionally be rough, and your kids may need more from you on these nights.  If a child learns from an early age that sleep is a good, healthy thing, he will be much more likely to see entering into sleep as a desirable thing.  Seriously, my two-year-old comes to me at roughly the same time each morning and says, "I ready nap."  A child who is forced to bed at random times with no routine and no explanation as to why will likely balk.  As a child, and later in life as well.
2. Make family mealtime and healthy eating an important part of each day
   Mealtime is such an important time for families.  At the dinner table we nourish not only our bodies but our spirits!  Make after-meal treats something special for which to look forward.  Mark them on your calendar.  Only have them on Feast days or weekends.  Show your kids the importance of healthy eating, and that treats are really something special.
3. Empower your children to be savvy savers, spenders and givers and teach them the difference between "needs" and "wants"
   When you are a kid, your parents typically buy you everything you need.  Sometimes kids need a gentle reminder of this.  Birthdays and Christmas are exciting times to get things you need and possibly want as well!  Maybe your mom or dad even picks up a special surprise on occasion for no reason.  What a neat way to speak to a child's potential love-language!  When your son or daughter is old enough to begin learning that money has value, talk to them about saving, spending and giving.  Give them some proportions with which to work (it is 50-40-10 respectively at our house).  Point out the things that you buy for them so they can live comfortably (pants and shirts, groceries and warm jammies in the winter!).  Encourage your child to save for something they really want!  How satisfying it must be for them when they make that purchase all on their own!  Be excited with them.
4. As your child grows up, he or she slowly grows into more personal responsibility as well
   Growing up is hard work.  Sometimes your child may forget her homework or library books.  Maybe he doesn't like his teacher.  This can be really disappointing and tough to handle when you're seven.  Or eleven.  Or thirty-four.  Make sure he knows that you're on his team.  People make mistakes.  "Son, you must have felt awful when you realized you'd forgotten your books.  What do you think you could do to help you remember them in the future?"  Brainstorm a little bit together.  Maybe he can put a little reminder on the calendar or chore chart in his room to help remember in coming weeks.  Find some cool stickers or bright markers he can use to write the reminders himself.  If they don't like their teacher, empathize with this tough situation.  Sometimes we have to work with difficult people, that can be a tough reality to grasp for anyone.  We can teach our kids responsibility and lessons without rubbing their nose in the proverbial pile of poop.  They are children.  They are still learning how to be adults.
5. When going gets tough, be your child's coach not her critic
   There is no ruder awakening than getting to adulthood and realizing you have no idea how to do something.  Chances are if you come to a seemingly insurmountable task as an adult (I'm thinking about the first time I visited the meat department at the grocery store as a young-married), you'll ask someone to show you how to do it (not to do it for you, hopefully!)   As your children get older, expect them to do hard things!  Let them know you have confidence in them.  If they fail or don't understand, you'll be there to troubleshoot with them so they can do better next time.  It's a process, a lifelong one.
6. When your child learns to tell time, he or she should also be ready for some of the responsibilities that go along with time telling
   When my daughter moved into her own bedroom at 6.5 years, we bought her her own alarm clock.  She was so excited!  I showed her how to set it and she felt so grown-up having a piece of electronics that was her own and something for which to be responsible.  I have yet to get her up in the morning.  She was ready for this responsibility and readily embraced it.  Independence is something into which a child emerges and eventually embraces (with our gentle help and guidance of course).  It is not something to be arbitrarily forced.
7. There is value in simplicity
   Your child doesn't always need the latest and greatest electronics, etc.  Neither do you.  Teach by example.  Your children will probably listen to this better than your words anyways, and it won't be such a shock to their systems when they get to their teen years and don't always have the latest and greatest gadgets if you don't either.
8. Be there for your child when he experiences loss
   This one really goes hand-in-hand with #4.  I don't have a whole lot more to add so see above.
9. Teach self control
   If a TV show or video game is inappropriate, tell your child.  Explain why.  Teach them how to see these red-flags for themselves when viewing media, and what to do when they come across them.  A controlled child never learns to self regulate when you're not around to control them.  Teach them why they shouldn't jump off the bridge, not just that they shouldn't.
10. Show them the importance of apologizing for their actions... 
    ...and teach them how.  Apologizing doesn't always come naturally for kids...or adults.  It's handy to have some tools in your belt.  To that note, I really liked this perspective.
11. Model manners
    I agree, one catches more flies with honey than vinegar.  To me there is a disconnect between the author making this statement and the tone of her article as a whole. 
12.  Families help each other out
    Why do we do chores?  Because families help each other out.  Why might I ask you to do something out of the blue that needs to be done?  Because families help each other out.  Why are we going over to grandma's to rake leaves?  Because families help each other out.  Not because you are my God-given slave labor.  Not because I am mean and want to make you suffer.  Not because I am going to bribe you with money or because I am lazy and don't want to do it myself.  Families help each other out.  Plain and simple.  

And because I'm not trying to counter-balance my meanness, the need for excessive praise and rewards seems null or at least over-stated.  I really do believe the author of this article had her heart in the right place.  She wants to raise kids who are responsible, respectful, self-sufficient and generally pleasant to be around as kids and as adults.  Who doesn't?  It's her method -- or at least her mindset -- that I find flawed.  In what other relationship do we consider meanness an attribute?  In fact, I would argue that with the advent of the mean-girl persona, more people than ever are going out of their way to encourage the opposite of meanness.  Why strive for it in motherhood?  Yes, there are times that my children think I am mean, I won't argue that, but I'm not going out and looking for those opportunities, and I certainly don't  rejoice in them.  Rather, I look at it as a reminder to reconnect, reassess, and make sure I am taking the time and effort needed to build and maintain a healthy, loving relationship with my child.  Our children are people too, young people (not miniature adults) who have so much to learn about life.  I hope that when they are grown they will look back and think, "wow, my mom sure worked hard to help me learn and grow," and not, "man, she was mean."

Journal: Autumn, books, and babies wearing headlamps

TODAY

Out my window:  Beautiful Autumn day.  Fall has finally found its stride.

Clothing myself in:  Darkish denim jeans, a fuchsia tank with a black fleur de lis on the front and a black half-length sleeved cardigan/shrug.

Around the house: I went through our boxes of Christmas decos and consolidated things quite a bit.  There were a handful of decorations that we've accumulated through the years that either a.) we've never used, or b.) have no sentimental meaning.  Those went.  Packed a few toys away that don't get played with regularly (just dumped out, haha) and have sold a few things on Facebook this past week (purse, Chuck the Truck and our old Christmas tree is PPU). 

 

The baby/toddler: Oh he is so adorable.  I've had some one-on-one time with him on several occasions the past week and I love just being able to sit and soak up his cuteness.  It is funny, now that I have three kids, spending time with only one makes me wonder how I ever thought I was busy when I only had one kid.  Perspective.

 

The kiddos:  Kolbe and his daddy had their big fishing trip that they have been planning for months yesterday.  Only they got there to find out that trout season has apparently changed since the last time Aaron fished trout years ago, and now it doesn't start until November 1.  So there was a little disappointment for both of them, but they did some exploring and had a picnic and tossed their lines in a bit and caught a few other fish so the day wasn't a disaster or anything.  Just not what they were planning really.  I am so glad they had this time together!  They are looking forward to hopefully actually fishing for some trout here in a few more weeks. 

Gemma has had her ups and downs lately.  Today I got a call from the school nurse saying she'd been in a few times today missing me.  I was really pleased with how the nurse handled it, and thought it was really nice to get a prompt phone call about it.  I asked if this has ever happened before and she said never.  I was glad the answer wasn't, "well, this has been going on for five weeks," or something.  Hopefully we can work through this.  She has been having some behavioral issues too (at home not school to my knowledge) that we've been trying to work through though so I wonder if everything is kind of related.  Prayers, please, that she can settle into school.  She had such a great second semester last year, I was really hoping we'd pick up where we left off.  Sigh.  Nothing is ever simple or straightforward.  Other than that, she is all things Gemma.  Writing and drawing up a storm as usual, always an idea for a new book.  She has had an author come talk at her school twice this year and she always gets really stoked about that.  She has started liking to chat with me about her school day while she showers, which is nice.  Sometimes I have other things to do, but it's important for me to stay and listen as she is not one to always open up much, especially about school.  

In the kitchen: This week was beef stew, Sesame Chicken and brown rice, Tacos, leftovers, and Fish Muffins tonight.  Next week we have meatloaf with probably potato and steamed broccoli sides, Chicken Enchiladas (if I make it to the tortilla place), Spaghetti and Meatballs with canned green beans, Baked Salmon (I plan to come up with something exciting or at least semi-interesting for side dishes) and Aaron is going to grill some steaks this weekend.

Crafting: I bought Halloween costumes for the boys?

Learning: We've read some really good books lately.  Today we finished The Story of Holly and Ivy as part of our monthly virtue study, and we've read some nice autumn-themed books as well. I am so grateful for library books and the Internet to aid me in my quest for good books.  We had some strong feelings about Scholastic book orders and after entirely too much rigamarole decided that we are going to skip the book orders entirely.  There was a little drama involved in this (understatement).  I'll spare you the details, but I let things die down a week or so and then talked with Gemma and told her I do like the idea of adding to our home library with good, quality books, so could she think of anything she'd gotten from the library that she really liked and of which she would like to own a copy.  We talked, and looked at this and that, and ended up ordering a nice, used, hardbound copy of Thundercake from Amazon. 

I've let Kolbe start having some computer time.  Sigh, it was bound to happen.  We seem to have reached a happy medium with time he gets to spend (20-30 minutes 2 or 3 mornings a week) so I'm good with it.  OH technology.  I love you and I hate you.  

Reading: See above.  Still working my way slowly through "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids", "The Hidden Power of Kindness" and "Theology and Sanity" (for class) and I browsed through "The Little Oratory" as I was able to get a copy through inter-library loan.  About halfway through "The First Four Years" and "Therese" with Gemma.  I will be glad to finish these and pick something else up, for her sake, she seems to be ready for something fresh.  The last two Little House book haven't captivated her nearly as much as the others, and Therese seems just a hair above her.  See my Bookshelf tab for links to all those titles, too lazy to re-link.

Watching: Post-season baseball, baby.  New season of Gold Rush premieres tonight.

Bringing me joy: Autumn.  Good friends.  My kids.  Success I've been having in my struggle with a particular vice.  Confession and Spiritual Direction.  Our crazy life (for the most part).

Thinking about:  Stuff.

Pictures to share:  

Gemma at her school Living Rosary.  She got to hold a flower and participate!  (I should have forced the flash, but felt badly enough having my phone out in Church).

Kolbe (and his trusty side-kick) playing the Angry Birds game his teacher let him borrow.

Love this kid!

Pumpkin Patch 2014

This was our fifth year to go to the Pumpkin Patch!!  Normally I take the kids on a weekday morning or afternoon (it's a little cheaper that way), but this year between Gemma being in school all day and kind of wanting an extra set of hands and eyes, we decided to go on a Saturday so Aaron could come with us.  It was so much fun!!!

Picking their pumpkins!

Trying to get a group shot was highly amusing.  I thought this one displayed their individual personalities pretty accurately.

Obligatory stick your head through the holes pictures.

Kolbe really liked the big blow-up pumpkin.

Clement liked the dirt...and jumping on the hay-stack maze!

They all got to ride the cow-cars this year!

I thought this one was really sweet.  They can be so sweet with each other (as opposed to being not so sweet with each other, which they certainly can be as well).

 
We came home and enjoyed s'mores together after dinner.  It was a great family day/

Fire Safety Books

Fire safety is something I have always known I should talk about with my kids, but never have.  Finally, I checked a stack of books out at the library, but they sat in a bag for over a month.  (Mom of the year, right here.)  One evening Gemma started asking about fire safety and that was a great springboard to spend the next morning with our books and talking about our own family's fire escape plan.  I thought I would share the titles that we used, in case anyone else was interested.  I, personally, find it so much easier to explain something like this to my kids with a good book.  Most of the fire safety books out there are pretty generic, I'll list the ones we had but they were basically just the ones that were available at our local library.  Nothing special. 

Fire Safety  - Simple and to the point, good for a beginning reader.

Crawl Low Under Smoke - A bit more detailed, and really stressed the "crawl low" mantra, which is very important.

It's Time to Call 911 - This one talked about all the different times and reasons one might need to call 911, what one should say on the phone, and it had a little phone with keys on it so the kids could practice pressing 911.  The only reminder that this one needed, is that on most phones today (portable/cell) one must dial 911 and then pres "talk" or the green button etc.

Emergency! - This book didn't really teach any fire safety, but would be a cool book for probably PK-2 boys who want to learn more about rescue vehicles.

No Dragons for Tea: Fire Safety for Kids (and dragons) - This is the only "non-generic" book that I would highly recommend going out of your way to get your hands on a copy.  It was cute, it rhymed, and it covered literally all the fire-safety bases in a very non-scary way.   I am actually considering purchasing this book for our home library.

Please share!!  What are your favorite fire safety books and activities for kids?  Next up for us...stranger danger and personal safety, which will go very nicely with our Virtue of the month in October (Faith/Trust).  If anyone has any recommendations for good books on this topic, I'd love for you to share.  I may even do another post here in the near future to round up the good books we found.

Journal: It is October

TODAY

Out my window: Dark.  Cool, on the verge of cold tonight, but it was in the 80's most of the past week, and there are more 80's forecast for the coming week.  I have this horrible feeling that it's going to go from Summer to Winter without much Autumn in between this year.  We're hoping to have another fire in the chimenea this weekend, the weather should be favorable.

Clothing myself in: Jammies.  BUT...I went shopping week before last and got a bunch of new tops and a couple new pair of jeans so that was a nice boost to the wardrobe.  I think I will cry if Maurice's ever closes or drastically changes the style of clothes they carry.  I feel like they really hit the thirty-something-mom wardrobe better than just about anywhere else I've looked.

Around the house: Meh, not much.  We got smartphones this past week so learning the ropes on those has been fun.  It is so funny to see my hubby -- who has only ever owned a flip-phone -- with a smartphone.

 

The baby/toddler: Strooooooooong feelings, but always so loving once his ragefulness passes.  When he is angry and then gets over it, he always comes over and kisses me on the leg and says, "love you too".  I think it is his way of "apologizing" or at least recognizing something went wrong and now it's all better.  It is sweet (and so much easier with my third) to watch the process.  It's hard to deal with those big feelings when you're only two!!  I wish I had some of the insights that I have now when Gemma was that age.  Sigh.

 

The kiddos:  Kolbe got to bring the Angry Birds Jenga game home from his Speech teacher to keep for the weekend.  He was so.very.excited about this.  Super-stoked.  It's actually a pretty cute, simple game.  I might even be inclined to buy it...  Maybe. 

Gemma.  I am trying so hard to help her deal with her anger.  It is kind of two steps forward, one step back.  But it is making me look at myself and how I handle (or don't handle) my own anger.  So maybe if I can make some strides in the right direction myself, I can help her as well.

In the kitchen: My neighbor shared a recipe with me last week and it was so yummy and simple!  Chop cabbage very finely and saute with onion and garlic in some olive oil until desired texture.  And 1lb cooked taco meat (I have a very simple recipe for homemade taco seasoning) and top with some chopped cherry tomatoes.  Stir together, and serve (optional: in tortilla bowls) topped with MJ cheese and sour cream. 

This coming week we've got chili, pizza with lots of veggies, loaded potato and chicken casserole, and probably some fish tacos.

Crafting: durrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Learning:  Big week for Catholic feasts!  We made our annual Angel Cookies, and broadened the cookie cutter selection to include St. Francis of Assisi (animals) and St. Therese (a flower, a heart, and a cross) cookies as well.  The kids have enjoyed all the extra treats. 

I have some books about fire safety that I've had from the library for awhile, waiting to get them out, and Gemma was asking some about fire-safety tonight so I think we'll get those out this weekend.  

We have a garden spider in our front yard.  She has been there all Summer, and we've kept an eye on her as she has grown and moved her web up to a bigger area.  Last Sunday we caught a couple grasshoppers and tossed them in her web and watched her catch them and spin them up.  I really despise spiders, but man this little gal is pretty cool.

Reading: Mainly keeping up with Theology.  I am also reading Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids.  I'm not that far in, but I've heard good reviews, and like/identify with what I am reading so far.

Watching:  MLB POST-SEASON, baby!!!!

Bringing me joy: Seeing my hubby excited about Tuesday's Royals win.  Some new clothes.  Gemma had the day off school Monday and the kids and I had a super-great day together.  Like, one of the best days I've had in a long time.  It set a nice tone for the rest of the week as well.  Theology class.

Thinking about: balance.

Pictures to share:  

The cookie makers

The kids after the Parish Picnic.