12 ways I'm trying *not* to be the meanest mom in the world

I recently stumbled upon the article 12 Ways to be the Meanest Mom in the World.  While I actually agreed with virtually all the points the author made, I thought the way the article was framed was awful.  Yes, I want my children to learn responsibility for themselves and their actions.  Yes, I want them to learn independence and confidence and all those other good traits.  But children are children.  They are people, but they are not miniature adults, and I don't feel like it is right or responsible for me, as their mother, to treat them as such.

As a Catholic mother, the "mean-mom badge of honor" is just not something for which I am striving.  The "us-against-them" mentality when it comes to parenting really grates on me.  No, I certainly don't think it is my job to be my kid's BFF, but I like to think it is important for them to know that, no matter what, I am on their side.  That I am here to help them when no one else will be.  That my job description is something more along the lines of tenderly guiding them through experiencing the emotions and realities of life versus standing on the sidelines and watching them fail, all in the name of teaching responsibility and independence.  So I am taking the same concepts, re-titling, re-framing, and giving you 12 ways I'm trying not to be the meanest mom in the world.

1. Establish healthy sleep-routines from an early age, so your children learn to listen to their bodies and recognize their needs
   Good sleep is important.  A child who lives in a home with an established bedtime/naptime routine (at generally the same time each day, give or take) will not generally balk at bedtime.  Sure there are holidays and vacations and such where routines get out of whack, but then can the child really be blamed for "off" behavior?  Think about the last time you spent several days eating bad food and getting too little sleep.  If your mood wasn't very good, is it really reasonable or fair to expect more from a child than you expect from yourself?  Bedtimes will occasionally be rough, and your kids may need more from you on these nights.  If a child learns from an early age that sleep is a good, healthy thing, he will be much more likely to see entering into sleep as a desirable thing.  Seriously, my two-year-old comes to me at roughly the same time each morning and says, "I ready nap."  A child who is forced to bed at random times with no routine and no explanation as to why will likely balk.  As a child, and later in life as well.
2. Make family mealtime and healthy eating an important part of each day
   Mealtime is such an important time for families.  At the dinner table we nourish not only our bodies but our spirits!  Make after-meal treats something special for which to look forward.  Mark them on your calendar.  Only have them on Feast days or weekends.  Show your kids the importance of healthy eating, and that treats are really something special.
3. Empower your children to be savvy savers, spenders and givers and teach them the difference between "needs" and "wants"
   When you are a kid, your parents typically buy you everything you need.  Sometimes kids need a gentle reminder of this.  Birthdays and Christmas are exciting times to get things you need and possibly want as well!  Maybe your mom or dad even picks up a special surprise on occasion for no reason.  What a neat way to speak to a child's potential love-language!  When your son or daughter is old enough to begin learning that money has value, talk to them about saving, spending and giving.  Give them some proportions with which to work (it is 50-40-10 respectively at our house).  Point out the things that you buy for them so they can live comfortably (pants and shirts, groceries and warm jammies in the winter!).  Encourage your child to save for something they really want!  How satisfying it must be for them when they make that purchase all on their own!  Be excited with them.
4. As your child grows up, he or she slowly grows into more personal responsibility as well
   Growing up is hard work.  Sometimes your child may forget her homework or library books.  Maybe he doesn't like his teacher.  This can be really disappointing and tough to handle when you're seven.  Or eleven.  Or thirty-four.  Make sure he knows that you're on his team.  People make mistakes.  "Son, you must have felt awful when you realized you'd forgotten your books.  What do you think you could do to help you remember them in the future?"  Brainstorm a little bit together.  Maybe he can put a little reminder on the calendar or chore chart in his room to help remember in coming weeks.  Find some cool stickers or bright markers he can use to write the reminders himself.  If they don't like their teacher, empathize with this tough situation.  Sometimes we have to work with difficult people, that can be a tough reality to grasp for anyone.  We can teach our kids responsibility and lessons without rubbing their nose in the proverbial pile of poop.  They are children.  They are still learning how to be adults.
5. When going gets tough, be your child's coach not her critic
   There is no ruder awakening than getting to adulthood and realizing you have no idea how to do something.  Chances are if you come to a seemingly insurmountable task as an adult (I'm thinking about the first time I visited the meat department at the grocery store as a young-married), you'll ask someone to show you how to do it (not to do it for you, hopefully!)   As your children get older, expect them to do hard things!  Let them know you have confidence in them.  If they fail or don't understand, you'll be there to troubleshoot with them so they can do better next time.  It's a process, a lifelong one.
6. When your child learns to tell time, he or she should also be ready for some of the responsibilities that go along with time telling
   When my daughter moved into her own bedroom at 6.5 years, we bought her her own alarm clock.  She was so excited!  I showed her how to set it and she felt so grown-up having a piece of electronics that was her own and something for which to be responsible.  I have yet to get her up in the morning.  She was ready for this responsibility and readily embraced it.  Independence is something into which a child emerges and eventually embraces (with our gentle help and guidance of course).  It is not something to be arbitrarily forced.
7. There is value in simplicity
   Your child doesn't always need the latest and greatest electronics, etc.  Neither do you.  Teach by example.  Your children will probably listen to this better than your words anyways, and it won't be such a shock to their systems when they get to their teen years and don't always have the latest and greatest gadgets if you don't either.
8. Be there for your child when he experiences loss
   This one really goes hand-in-hand with #4.  I don't have a whole lot more to add so see above.
9. Teach self control
   If a TV show or video game is inappropriate, tell your child.  Explain why.  Teach them how to see these red-flags for themselves when viewing media, and what to do when they come across them.  A controlled child never learns to self regulate when you're not around to control them.  Teach them why they shouldn't jump off the bridge, not just that they shouldn't.
10. Show them the importance of apologizing for their actions... 
    ...and teach them how.  Apologizing doesn't always come naturally for kids...or adults.  It's handy to have some tools in your belt.  To that note, I really liked this perspective.
11. Model manners
    I agree, one catches more flies with honey than vinegar.  To me there is a disconnect between the author making this statement and the tone of her article as a whole. 
12.  Families help each other out
    Why do we do chores?  Because families help each other out.  Why might I ask you to do something out of the blue that needs to be done?  Because families help each other out.  Why are we going over to grandma's to rake leaves?  Because families help each other out.  Not because you are my God-given slave labor.  Not because I am mean and want to make you suffer.  Not because I am going to bribe you with money or because I am lazy and don't want to do it myself.  Families help each other out.  Plain and simple.  

And because I'm not trying to counter-balance my meanness, the need for excessive praise and rewards seems null or at least over-stated.  I really do believe the author of this article had her heart in the right place.  She wants to raise kids who are responsible, respectful, self-sufficient and generally pleasant to be around as kids and as adults.  Who doesn't?  It's her method -- or at least her mindset -- that I find flawed.  In what other relationship do we consider meanness an attribute?  In fact, I would argue that with the advent of the mean-girl persona, more people than ever are going out of their way to encourage the opposite of meanness.  Why strive for it in motherhood?  Yes, there are times that my children think I am mean, I won't argue that, but I'm not going out and looking for those opportunities, and I certainly don't  rejoice in them.  Rather, I look at it as a reminder to reconnect, reassess, and make sure I am taking the time and effort needed to build and maintain a healthy, loving relationship with my child.  Our children are people too, young people (not miniature adults) who have so much to learn about life.  I hope that when they are grown they will look back and think, "wow, my mom sure worked hard to help me learn and grow," and not, "man, she was mean."

Journal: attitudes and smartphones and bangs

Ramble alert.  You've been warned.
TODAY

Out my window:  Sunny.  Hot.  Slanty light like Fall, but still feels like Summer.  We had a breath of Autumn last Friday and Saturday, and then boom.  Summer again.  And you should see the forecast.  Maybe it will feel like Autumn in October?

Clothing myself in:  Meh.  I have decided to grow my bangs out.  I had been growing them longer, because every time I saw a picture of myself with short bangs I hated it.  Why?  Why is cutting them short always a good idea??  It never is.  I think I have figured this out.  So I had been growing them out longer, and then had this idea that maybe I would like them a little thicker, and, well, I didn't.  So now I have just decided to completely grow them all out.  And start over from scratch with my hair.  Sort of.  I mean, the back of it is pretty much the same but we'll see how it looks with no bangs.  I know for a fact that it will be much less maintenance, and that alone is incentive enough for me to stick with it.  Hopefully.  I need to learn how to twist and pin them to the side, I can't figure it out despite numerous YouTube how-to videos.  Yes, that's what I spent my Friday evening doing.  We are a very exciting bunch around here.  

Around the house: The kids are in the midst of their annual coloring of Halloween decorations.  I print a ton of coloring pages, and then they color them and cut them out and put them on strings and hang them all over the house.  All Gemma's idea, I think this is our third or fourth year.  It is cute, but I am glad they only do it once year.  Maybe if we hang a bunch of Halloween decorations it will start feeling like Fall.  Optimism. 

The baby/toddler:  He talks a lot.  He loves bananas.  He is a mama's boy, but if I am not home he will go to bed for Daddy.  He makes the funniest pout faces and will "humph" at me when he is mad.  It is hilarious, but I have to try not to laugh.  He learned this from his eldest sibling.  It is not hilarious when she humphs at me. 

 

The kiddos:  I am learning (apparently I have to relearn this on a multiple times a year, or maybe month, basis) that my attitude in general really has a huge impact on the way things go around here.  I had this big fit last week after Kolbe fed some pancakes to the dog.  Seriously.  I cried for like 20 minutes.  Over pancakes.  I even called Aaron at work and he had to try really hard not to laugh at me.  But I had this Big Cry, and then I have really thought a lot about my attitude, and what is a big deal and what isn't a big deal, and how crazy I must come across to the kids (not to mention big and mean and scary), and, well, I have tried to be very deliberate about my attitude and the way I approach and react to things the past few days.  Really weighing biggies and smallies and trying to react accordingly.  And by golly, it is amazing what a more pleasant place our house is.  I guess that the old "mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy" saying contains quite a bit of wisdom.  The other big revelation I've had (I know, most of you are shaking your heads at my idiocy...some of us are slower than others...) is that the best way for me to teach self-control to my kids is to actually use it around them.  Earth-shattering, I know.  Wow.  

OK, that was supposed to be about the kids...

Gemma is doing great with school, she is so happy there.  She actually has less homework this year, and no homework on Fridays so that has been really nice!  I taught her what TGIF means and she is always ready for the weekend.  She really likes her piano lessons, and sure seems to have a knack for music.  (No idea where she got that.)

Kolbe's speech teacher tells me he is doing awesome, and all of a sudden he is staying in the lines when he colors and more interested in writing letters, and maybe he will be ready for kindergarten after all!  The belt buckling, shirt tucking, pants zipping still sends me into a cold sweat, but we'll get there.  Right?

In the kitchen: This past week we had shepherds pie, crispy chicken salads, kale pizza, chicken noodles, baked salmon with fried potatoes and okra.  Oh fried potatoes.  Is there any better concoction?  I think not.  And next week (since I have no illusions of blogging again in the next week) we have honey chicken with rice and green beans, meatloaf with maybe a potato side and probably more salad since I have some lettuce to use through, creamy tomato tortellini (with chicken breasts) and quesadillas on the side, and bean enchiladas. 

Crafting: Nada.  I think we are going to get our smartphones soon.  I am really ambivalent about this.  There are several things about it that are going to be so convenient and nice (namely a nicer camera, and the ability to listen to podcasts and such directly on my phone).  Part of me just wants to buck society and not buy into the whole trend (yeah right), and part of me just gets exhausted at the thought of trying to keep myself and my kids up with technology, because we are so far behind my kids barely even know how to use the laptop.  Which isn't bad, but sometimes I feel like I am purposely burying my head in the sand because it just takes too much effort otherwise.  Sigh.  That doesn't have anything to do with crafting. 

Learning:  The usual.  I am keeping track of our weekly preschool co-op activities in an ongoing blog post, so I have them for the future.  Look for it sometime early next summer.  I am sure you will be waiting with bated breath. 

Reading: I've gotten back into The Hidden Power of Kindness again (slowly but surely I will finish, it is so wonderful).  I am keeping up with my reading for Theology Class, and really enjoying that too.  It is so nice to use my brain again. 

Watching: MLB.  Trying not to cry as the Royals tank.  We've also been watching the Ken Burns PBS documentary on the Roosevelts, and while not as riveting as his one on the Dust Bowl several years back, it's still pretty interesting.   

Bringing me joy: Family time around our new chiminea!!  Chilling out.  Hanging out with the kids.  Reading to Gemma at night.  Time alone with each of the kids individually.  Beer dates with my hubby after the kids are in bed.  Potted mums on the deck.  Two days of Autumn. 

Thinking about: See above.  I won't bore you with any more rambling.

Pictures to share:  

Chiminea time!

Journal (12th edition)

TODAY

Out my window: Sunny.  Cold.  Supposed to be mild(er) today, and then get cold (relatively speaking) tomorrow and into the first part of the week.

Clothing myself in: Aw, do I HAVE to??  Grey sweats, tank and navy sweatshirt that is too big but I wear it because it is comfortable even though I don't particularly like how it looks.  Yes, this is my life.  And I'm getting a cold sore.  Bummer.  It has been a long time since I've had one, I mainly have them under control it seems through diet/supplements, but alas...  Bleh.

Around the house:  Christmas decos are mainly up.  Advent has been nice so far. Trying to just slow things down and focus on what's important.  "People before things," in the wise words of my spiritual director.  As easy as this sounds, it's not always.  Trying though, and Advent has provided a great time and motivation to really focus on this.

In the past few weeks I successfully completed the mail merge and printed envelopes with addresses and return addresses for our Christmas letter (this is always a miracle in and of itself, I only do a mail merge once a year and I never quite remember how...pins and needles until it's actually done).  THEN, I finally decided to buckle down and write the letter.  Starting out is always the hardest part.  Once I did that it took about 10 minutes, a day to sit on it and tweak, printed it.  Got the pictures ordered with a really good deal from Shutterfly.  Got some professionals done of the kids (now I'm out of order on when I did all this, but I'm too lazy to go back and correct myself).  Folded, stuffed, stamped, SENT!!!  Whew.  Don't ask how many.  (115).  Seriously, I have tried to cut our list and I just can't.  Do I have a problem?

Hoping to tackle gift wrapping this coming week.  Done with shopping for the most part.  

Wow, that was all very random.  Sorry.

 

The baby: Is rolling now.  He had been going back to front for a few weeks (although I just actually SAW him do it for the first time earlier this week).  Just this morning he figured out the front to back thing.  Now I have to watch where I leave him!!  And the floor is just such a safe spot with an almost five and almost three year old in the house.  OH dear...

 

The kiddos:  

I'll start with Kolbe...HE DID IT!!!!!  I am ready to call "The Great Potty Adventure of 2012" a SUCCESS!!!  We haven't had any accidents for over a week, and only a few "false starts".  AND, I don't have to remind him to go.  He heads into the bathroom and does his business all on his own without being told.  YAY!!!!!!!!!!  He is still in diapers at night, and I've a feeling he probably will be for awhile, but by golly we've got days down!!  The big success was celebrated with a package of "Thomas" underpants from St. Nicholas.  

Yes, St. Nicholas.  He visited this week bearing adorable chocolate Santas, holiday t-shirts for the kids, some Xylitol gum, hair-things for Gemma, patron saint prayer cards and the aforementioned undies.  As tradition holds we read this book, and the kids watched the CCC St. Nicholas story (I DVRd it from EWTN) several times in the past few days.  Gemma was so excited for his arrival (and Kolbe too by default) that she wanted to put her shoes on the fireplace first thing the morning of the 5th.  I had to remind her she would actually need to WEAR them that day, and she could put them out at night before bed and it would be fine.  It's fun seeing the kids look forward to these traditions in our family.    

In the kitchen:  Chicken Linguine, Meatloaf (I really should blog the recipe, my neighbor brought it to us after Clem was born and it was awesome.  It's my new favorite meatloaf recipe), TACOS for the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe, maybe Salmon Noodles (from my Betty Crocker cook book), but I may change my mind by Friday on that one.  As of now I'm not feelin' it, but that's what the "menu" says....  I'd also like to make some parsley pesto (loosely following this recipe), a neighbor (different one) brought us some parsley from her garden and I've found this to be a great thing to have in the fridge.  And while I like basil pesto better, the parsley stuff is definitely more versatile.   

Crafting:  My kind neighbor (another one yet...we have the greatest neighbors) is letting me use her serger to finish the edges of a blanket that Kolbe will be getting for Christmas.  I tried it out the other night on some scraps, and plan to take the actual blanket over to finish some night next week.  It is fleece that I got on a SUPER good deal on Black Friday.  So excited about this!!!  I have some other sewing ideas bouncing around in my head, we'll see how soon they come to fruition. 

Learning:  Mainly Advent activities.  We're using this Jesse Tree book as part of our morning prayers, and while we're not actually doing a Jesse Tree, I printed these coloring pages out and Gemma is coloring them to hang on the cabinet as we go.  It has been a really good opportunity to immerse the kids in Scripture a bit more (we're also reading the stories from our Children's Bible) and talk specifically about Salvation History and God's covenants with His people.  Still plugging away with reading lessons.  Gemma is making some great progress.  This week we will start working on our Salt Dough Ornaments.  We will. 

Reading:  I recently finished Unplanned.  The story itself was really remarkable.  I think the thing that resonated with me most though was its testimony to the power of prayer.  Very powerful.  

Bringing me joy: A clean oven, thank you MOM.  Yes, I have the coolest mom ever.  She totally cleaned my nasty-gross-gnarly-I'membarassedthatsheevenlookedinit-oven for me and it looks AMAZING.  It was a complete surprise too.  Long story but I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner on Monday and had to do a double-triple take.  I thought I had somehow been crazily transported to a mystical world where they have clean ovens. 

Some time away with the baby and hubby.  Aaron had some continuing ed about 3hrs away from home last Fri./Sat.  And my dear parents (yes, the same ones who cleaned my oven) took care of Gemma and Kolbe while we were gone.  It was their first night away from home (aside from when Clem was born) so it was kind of a big deal.  They had fun, my parents had fun, and the baby and I got some uninterrupted shopping time in the "big city" while daddy was in class.  Plus getting to visit with Aaron uninterrupted in the car was kind of amazing.  AND we went on a date to a restaurant where someone else cooked and cleaned up after the meal, AND they had live jazz music.  Who knew such things existed?! (haha)   It was relaxing, but as cliche as it sounds there really is no place like home.  

Advent.

My squishy baby.

Kids who play well together (no, it's not always this way, but boy when they do it is WONDROUS).

The music on this CD.

Thinking about: How long this post is.  Congrats if you made it to the end!!!  Any thought that I've had of late is probably summed up in the above paragraphs, so I'll spare you any more insights into my wacky head. 

Pictures to share: 

The kids in their St. Nick shirts.

 Clem.  Always amused by his older siblings.

Kolbe drew a person!!!

We did a "photo-shoot" with Max the dog one day when we were playing out at the park. 

Life with three

Now that it's been [almost] two weeks (and I have ever so much experience, HA!), I thought I'd take a few minutes to blog some thoughts on this transition from two to three.  Not that anyone out there really cares, but I figured it would make for interesting reading material down the road when I'm yearning for "the simple days when we only had three and they were young."  Hmmmmm....

Anyways, things have been good overall.  The first few days after Clem was born were horrific.  I had just given birth and while hands-down the hardest thing I've ever done (three times) it is also so rewarding and amazing it just makes me want to capture the moment and savor that first meeting with my babe forever.  Basically I would like to be able to stop time for awhile.  Especially since the more times we do this, and the older we get, the less times we potentially (God be willing) have left to do this.  Does that makes sense?  Anyways, I haven't figured out the stopping time thing yet, so instead I was just overly hormonal and emotional.  THEN, I remembered what it was like bringing Gemma and even Kolbe home for the first time...cozy, snuggly, quiet, peaceful, serene.  Yeaaaahhhhhh, not so this go around.  We got home about 10pm the day Clem was born, and the kids were at respective grandparents' houses and I felt guilty they weren't home with us and sad I couldn't kiss them goodnight.  But then we picked them up the next morning and they were hung. over. from time with grandma and grandpa.  And this doesn't irritate me, they were loved and well taken care of and had a great time...I can't complain a bit about that.  If they were going to be away from us, I can't imagine anyone I'd rather them be with.  But they were quite hungover none-the-less...kind of like after they've been sick and gotten to watch TV all day and drink gatorade and eat toast on the couch.  While watching TV.  Only this was worse.  Instead of cuddling with my sweet, sleepy newborn and doing nothing but gaze at his wonderfulness, I got to keep Kolbe from pulling Gemma's ponytail clean off her head, and make sure Gemma didn't bite Kolbe's leg off among other things.  Oh, and endure some naaaaastsyhorribleawfulohmygoodnessgetmeoutofhere tantrums from a certain four-and-a-half-year-old whose name will not be mentioned.  Oh yeah, and get ready for a Baptism on Saturday.  I am a huge proponent of Baptizing as soon after birth as possible but wowza that made for a crazy weekend on top of an already crazy week (our other two were born on weekends, so we Baptized the following weekend thus having a little more time).  I wouldn't do it any differently (although I think I remember my husband saying something about, "can't we just get some holy water and do this ourselves?") and my family and inlaws were an immense help with the food and hosting the reception and everything (I don't even want to think about hosting that many people at our house, especially so soon after having a baby) but still...

So we survived the weekend and emerged into Monday with our sanity mostly intact (although that is probably debatable).  And then we really began the process of settling in to life with three.  And honestly since then things have been fairly mellow.  Good even.  Oh I am ever-so-glad to be my not-pregnant self again.  I really do enjoy being pregnant (especially the second and early-third trimesters), but I do not particularly like the person I am when I'm pregnant if that makes sense.  My hormones make me totally nuts.  With my husband, and kids, and random strangers.  It's bad, I wish I could get a better handle on it but I just honestly don't know how.  ACK!  But anyways, back to settling in with three... I have tried to readjust my expectations a bit and that has helped immensely.  Things just aren't like they were with the first two, and they never will be no matter how hard I yearn for it.  Life moves on and changes and I can either embrace that or run screaming.  And I'm finding that embracing things and trying to make the best of them really does wonders when it comes to the happiness and general well-being of the rest of my dear precious family.  And that's where we are now.  Be sure to check back for more riveting glimpses into my nutty brain.  But not too many, I promise.  ;-D  And for enduring all that, here is a sweet pic of our three little crazies!  Oh, how I love them.

Surviving another day

Oh parenting, marriage, family life...vocation...wow.  It's everything I ever dreamed it would be, and absolutely nothing like I dreamed it would be, all at the same time.  Like I said, wow.  

Lately I feel like I've gotten into a a real rut with life in general.  At the end of the day more often than not my thought is, "thank God I've survived another day.  Now let's go to sleep so we can wake up and do it all over again."  I realize this goes with the territory when you're in the tunnel of parenthood and that this is said to be (by some) one of the toughest stages of parenting and oh how I hope that is the case.  I know the adolescent years will certainly hold with their own difficulties and challenges, but now it's just, ohmygoodnessgraciouswow.  Children: you are needy and grumpy and loud and needy and messy and you can't articulate yourselves very well at all sometimes and you're quite needy too and I feel like all you ever do is clamor for my attention all.the.time. and I love you so so so so so so much but some most days I just feel like it's all I can do to tread water when it comes to parenting you, educating you, clothing you, helping form you in the Faith, keeping a house and making it a home, making time for family and keeping up friendships, finding time for volunteering/stewardship, trying to make regular time for prayer and the Sacraments, running errands, going through the mail, paying bills, etc. etc. etc.  And oh yeah, my marriage and relationship with your daddy.  That's important too.  I am just in awe that God has seen fit to entrust to our care these miraculous, complicated bundles of human life, but sometimes that awe easily turns into overwhelmed-ness.  And then I feel stuck.  Like I'm in a state of perpetual water treading, with no end sight.   

My actions of late seem to really reflect this "treading water" attitude too and I just don't like it.  Lately I've gotten so grumpy, so snappy.  I yell at the kids and get gripey with Aaron.  Too much.  The smallest things will set me off.  I feel like I am constantly reacting.  Reacting to this mess, or that fight or another phone call or the millionth item to add to the "to do" list for the week or gosh pretty much everything.  I have so many things that I deem to be "important" that I strive to accomplish each day, but at the end of the day I sit here and what do I remember?  How many times I lost my patience.  How many times I yelled and reacted.  And had to apologize.  And then did it all over again.  So what?  So I could have a clean house and folded laundry, sheets on the bed and clothes on the kids, or an updated blog and just the right books placed on hold at the library?  Don't get me wrong, this stuff can be important too, but in moderation.  And I think lately I've been having trouble seeking (and finding) that moderation.  That balance of what's really, truly important in my day-to-day family life.  

I'm wrapping up an almost two-years-long project that was very important to our family but has sucked soooooo muuuuuuuch of my time and I am very grateful to be moving on, but aside from that I know my priorities are often just out of whack.  And I really, reallllllly need to do something about that.  Not just talk about it or think about it, but really DO something. about. it.  I am looking forward to the upcoming Lenten season and hoping that it will give me an opportunity to prioritize, to grow in grace, to continue to learn and grow in my vocation. And I think one of the things I desperately need am going to do is cut way back on my computer use.  Now that my 'project' is nearing its end I will have a lot less excuse for spending time on the computer/Internet.  Oh don't get me wrong, I find plenty of excuses throughout the day to get sucked in check up on this or that.  Too many really.  And therein lies a huge part of my problem.  The Interwebs are so super-great, it's honestly hard for me to imagine life without an Internet connection.  I really can't imagine having to go to the library and actually look something up in the card catalog (do they still have those?) or not be able to "google it" every time I need a recipe or want to know the difference between a primary and a caucus.  But seriously.  One must draw the line somewhere.  And it is high time I do some line drawing.  

So I am going to be taking a bit of a hiatus for the next month-and-a-half or so and we'll see where it goes from there.  I still intend to check in and keep the blog semi up-to-date.  I really do enjoy having the record of things (especially those related to our darling children) on which to look back and such; but I'm going to try to cut back and focus on the things that are really important.  Like real life, for instance.  Our family is growing, our children are growing up right before our eyes, and we'll have a huge adjustment this summer when we add #3 and the minivan and the shared sibling bedroom and all the other fun things that come with traveling further into "the tunnel".  I know the light is there, at the end, somewhere.  I've witnessed friends emerge triumphant at the other end and they give me hope.  But for now, on I trudge.  Striving to do more than just "survive" each day.  Hoping to truly seek and find Christ in my day, in my children, in my husband.  In my life and vocation.  Striving to (as my spiritual director once told me) "reflect" instead of "react" to everything that happens in my day in an attempt imitate our Blessed Mother, instead of falling apart in a heap of my own wild, crazy shenanigans that I try to pass-off as my feeble attempt at being a mom and wife.  

Blessings everyone...thanks for sticking with my rambles.  Here's to life, and the hopes for a fruitful upcoming Lenten season.

Ten strange facts about me

My friend Debi did this post sometime back, and I thought it looked fun (if not a bit incriminating).

1. Sometimes when I get the mail if there are things that I don't care about (junk mail, etc.) I just leave them in the mailbox.  For days on end.  I will randomly pick things I want or need out, and leave the junk and items I'm not interested in.  Sometimes I even open a piece of mail and then put it back in our box.  My mailman must think I'm nuts.  Heck, it's probably some sort of federal offense...

2.  OCD.  Have I mentioned my OCD?

3.  I cannot stand the feeling of socks made from synthetics against my feet.  If I am wearing dress socks, I have to wear a pair of 100% cotton/athletic style ones under them.

4.  I love to read, but go in spurts.  I will devour multiple books at once, and then hit a dry period and not make much progress on anything at all for a time.

5.  I really do despise winter.  A lot.  That period from New Years to Valentines is particularly torturous.  And then once March hits I'm ready for Spring but it really never seems to come until April in these parts.  Blurgh.

6.  I still rock my almost two-year-old to sleep every night and every nap.  I'm sure he'll grow out of this sometime.  Right?  In the meantime, I try to savor the moments.

7.  I have sworn off super glue after an incident involving a toy stroller, super glue, acetone, fingers and the bathroom sink.  It wasn't pretty, folks.

8.  I am a homebody.  I have never been a super-huge fan of traveling, and now that we have (young) children the thought of a big family trip almost sends me into hysterics.  We take one or two day/potentially overnight trips a year and that. is. enough.  It helps that my husband's job just isn't conducive to traveling.  But even if it were, and we had all the funds in the world at our disposal, I think I'd choose to stay home.  But I do want to go back to Cabo or somewhere beach and resort-ish someday.  Maybe when the kids are grown.  ;-D

9.  I am so in love with my Catholic Faith.  However, I often wish there were an Eastern Rite Catholic Church (under the "Papal Umbrella" and in-line with Rome of course) around where we live. I think I'd feel much more at home with that style of worship.

10.  I have been pregnant at Christmas-time every odd-numbered year since getting married (back in 2006).

Happy New Year, everyone.  May your 2012 be as exciting as ours promises to be!!!

Review: Signing Time

Ahhh television.  The thing everyone loves to hate.  Or hates to love.  Hmmmm...  Aaron and I enjoy turning it on more evenings than not after the kids are in bed.  I justify it in that we watch pretty much exclusively things from which we learn something...learn about history, our planet, animal and plant life, things along those lines.  I know there are probably still better things we could do with our time, but it is something we enjoy doing together, and a nice way to just kind of kick back and relax after a long day.  Right or wrong, it's where we are right now.  We're still finding our way with the whole TV thing for our kids.  It is a balance I know.  Part of me wants to just throw the whole thing out completely, another part of me certainly sees some value in it.  So I don't know.  It's this big interior struggle for me.  I'm just weird like that.  We don't do the whole Disney (Pixar, etc. etc.) movie thing now and I don't know that we ever will.  I'm not going to swear them off completely, and I certainly don't judge those whose kids do watch movies, but at this point we just don't see the value in them for Gemma.  Talk to me again in several years, or when my youngest is three, and who knows where I'll be.  That's just how it's been with everything for me when it comes to parenting.  Don't judge, and never say never.  I'm still working on that, but alas...I digress.  A lot.   (I will get to the aforementioned review, promise!)

Anyways, to digress further yet, Gemma got really into Little Bear about a year ago now.  She had been enjoying the books (which were mine as a child!) for quite some time and one night while Aaron and I were searching for something on our DVR we realized that there were TV episodes of it on our OnDemand!!!  They are 25 minutes long and all very sweet.  There is no hidden agenda, and Little Bear is always sweet and polite to his friends, and respectful and loving to his parents.  His parents emanate patience, which always tickles me.  Anyways, so that was the only thing she watched for a very long time.  Until I asked (I think?) for some recommendations, and my dear friend Mary came to the rescue.  One of the series' she mentioned was Signing Time and oh I could rave and rave!!   This is such a neat series.  Each DVD is about 30 minutes long, with another 30 minutes or so of extras.  They are all hosted by Rachel (adult), Alex and Leah (children) and Hopkins (animated frog).  Leah is Rachel's real-life daughter and she was born deaf.  Signing Time was Rachel's way of not only sharing ASL (American Sign Language) with those who use it as a communication tool because they are deaf, but also for babies, toddlers and preschoolers to use prior to and along with speech.  We have done quite a bit of sign with Kolbe, as he doesn't talk much (at all) yet.  It has been fun and helpful (I own this book and it is a great resource).  Gemma talked really early so we hardly signed at all with her, but she thinks it's super-cool now.  She really enjoys these DVDs and I am amazed how quickly she picks up new signs.  I know this is due mainly to the way the videos are designed, using songs and lots of repetition.  I will admit, some of the songs (especially the theme song) really grate on me.  Like, if Gemma watches a DVD one afternoon, I may still be singing the theme song two days later.  BUT, I'll take one for the team because I really do like these DVDs that much.  There are a number of videos in the series geared towards all different ages.  While they are a bit pricey in my opinion, I have found that our library carries most of them so we have had a steady rotation coming in and out of the house which has been nice.  We own one, and honestly as long as the library keeps carrying them I don't see buying many (if any) more.  That being said though, I would highly, highly recommend these DVDs.  They are cute, fun, free of agenda (can you tell that's a big deal for me) and (at least in Gemma's opinion) highly entertaining.  Kolbe (at almost 18 months) really doesn't sit down and "watch" TV yet, but the other day Gemma was watching one while he played in the living room and I caught him standing by the TV signing along with "brush teeth" I believe.  So yes, fun and educational for all ages.  Check 'em out!!!

Random

My brain is all over the place.  Or maybe it is just completely fried and gone.  Whatever the case, random is what you get today.

• I really like the library's "lists" feature on their website.  It plays right into my OCD.  In all honesty though, it is a very useful tool.
• My husband did a really nice job making our yard look all purdy this weekend.  I never would have dreamt when we got married rhat landscaping would mean so much to him.  Nothing excessive, he just does a really nice job making it look good (in my opinion).  
• I bought some summer sandals for Kolbe a month or two back.  I got the fives because they were huge on him.  I was hoping they wouldn't be too big all summer.  I got them out to put on him the first time the other day.  They are too small.  So much for planning ahead Thank goodness I still have the box and receipt...but now I get to take the time to return them and chase around and find something that fits.  GAH!
• I have burned entirely too many things in the kitchen in the past month or so.  We're talking epically burned.  Seriously Monica.  Set a timer. 
• My patience with Gemma lately, and in turn my family in general, has been atrocious.  HELP!
• I am so unbelievably glad winter is over.  Every year.  Every. Year., I wonder how exactly we survived the long, cold, windy, blustery, yucky months.  Oh Spring, thank you thank you thank you for coming again.
• I'm having a terrible time finding an Easter outfit for Kolbe.  And he needs shoes.  That fit.
• I found a new shirt from Kohl's that I really like.  I may or may not have bought three (in different colors of course).
• I am looking for a solution for our shoe organization issues in the mud-room.  I am having trouble finding one.  And it is driving me crazy.
• I need to be more disciplined with my time and spend more time reading.  I go in spurts.  I am currently in a stalling spurt.  Although I did read this book the other afternoon and it was very interesting and insightful.
• Today would have been my dear grandmother's 95th birthday.  She passed away just a few weeks after we got married.  God rest her soul, she was such a wonderful woman.  To this day, I will still do something or see something, and think, "Grandma would love to hear about this."  And then remember she is gone.  I loved her so much.

Well, I think that's about it for now.  Happy Monday, everyone!!

Pawn coolness

We are not huge TV watchers around here, but we do enjoy having cable and a DVR. I think if we didn't have cable we probably wouldn't ever watch any TV...I can't tell you the last time we watched anything network (aside from occasionally watching the local weather and an on-again off-again ~currently off-again~ relationship with The Office). And if we didn't have DVR, well, with kids we probably wouldn't watch any TV either, because it would always be either interrupted or inconvenient. Or both. (Plus don't even get me started on commercials these days...) And maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing, I gave a great amount of respect for those whose households are TV-free (check out my friend Debi!). But alas, we admittedly enjoy a handful of shows/documentaries (and the occasional sporting event, namely MLB) on channels like History, Discovery, TLC, Food Network, Science, NatGeo and if it were up to me solely, HGTV as well.

One of the shows that we regularly DVR is Pawn Stars, a show featuring the family-run Gold and Silver Pawn Shop in Las Vegas, NV and the various interesting items that make their way into the shop. I just think it's really cool, and it always holds our interest and makes for some fun conversation as we watch: guessing at item values, answering the trivia questions, and talking about some of the obscure, cool items (once they even had someone bring in a relic of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton - and no, if you were wondering, they didn't buy it, as the buying and selling of relics is forbidden) and eccentric people that come into the shop. But I digress. The whole point of this blog-post stems from the episode we watched last week called "Pedal to the Metal". In it, a man brings in a 1950's toy pedal-car in fairly rough condition. As it turned out (spoiler alert), the car ended up being worth upwards of $1000 restored...which I found to be particularly cool as our family actually owns one of these cars. It was my dad's as a child, and after I emailed him about the show he dug up this picture of him in the pedal car circa 1956.
Pretty cool. It has actually been painted since and is red now, so would probably need some restoring of its own to reach its potential worth. Not that we intend to restore or sell it or anything like that (I believe my sister has it now), but never-the-less pretty neat to know its worth. One of those random things that made this particular episode especially enjoyable.

Three years

Today, I celebrate not only the birthday of my sweet daughter, but also the day I became a mama. Hard to believe it has been three years. Lately I've been thinking a lot about what I've learned these past three years. (I did this after one year as well, last year I think I was too preoccupied with the pending arrival of baby 2!). It's fun to reflect, and it's always interesting to look back on where I've been as a parent and to ponder where I'm going (besides crazy). Anyways, in three years I have learned...

...you can't, I repeat, can. not. force a child to sleep or eat. You can go down with the ship on that one if you want, but that's not any fun. And not a very pretty sight either.

...humility. OH humility.

...the wonderful wonders of babywearing.

...the importance of developing a strong attachment with your children.

...co-sleeping isn't such a bad thing after all. In fact I rather enjoy it. And it keeps me sane and well-rested. (I can tell you with absolute certainty I would have publicly ridiculed anyone who three years ago told me those words would come out of my mouth.)

...my kitchen floor is just not going to be as clean as I'd like it to be. I'm still trying to come to terms with this one.

...little boys and little girls are very different. From early on. It really is remarkable.

...there is no one "way" to parent. There are lots of books, ideas, philosophies etc. out there. Some are good, some are bad, some are, meh, whatever. Each parent is different (even between spouses) and every child is unique as well, be it personality, gender, age, abilities etc. etc. etc. Parenting is a process that I am learning, and am going to continue to learn as long as I'm a mom.

...the mother sets the tone for the family. (I think I said this yesterday as well. Hmmm...)

...patience. Oh my, patience like I never knew I'd need. This one is (and probably always will be) a work in progress for me.

...how to really truly think for myself.

...I (and my husband of course) am the only "expert" on my child. There is no doctor, parenting book, government agency or anyone else out there who knows my children and what is best for them as well as my husband and I do.

...how to make peace with the fact that the next time I get an uninterrupted night's sleep will likely not be in this decade.

...I have reached a time in my life when wearing necklaces is just not the most practical thing in the world. (Took me two weeks - in a row - of broken necklaces to learn this one.)

...a certain amount of baby-proofing in your home is absolutely necessary. Sometimes it's just nice (and kind to your children as well) not to tempt fate.

...library meltdowns are way worse than church meltdowns.

...the importance of finding friendships in other like-minded mothers. This has been an amazing blessing in my life.

I know I could ramble further, but I think that's the big stuff. I've learned a lot, and I know I will continue to do so as the years go by. I'm just trying to do my best, hold on, and enjoy the ride!!! What a blessing the last three years have been.

Looking back...
My hubby and I on our honeymoon (July 2006). I thought I knew so much then. HA!
My first hours as a mama, with baby Gemma (January 2008).
Family of three.
First moments with baby Kolbe (January 2010).
Family of four.
Happy birthday sweet Gemma. God knew just what He was doing when He sent you to me. I love you baby girl.

Giving my two coins

Today's Gospel and the reflection I read on it really struck a chord with me. Here was the actual reading, from Luke 21:1-4...one all of us have read and heard countless times I'm sure.

When Jesus looked up he saw some wealthy people
putting their offerings into the treasury
and he noticed a poor widow putting in two small coins.
He said, “I tell you truly,
this poor widow put in more than all the rest;
for those others have all made offerings from their surplus wealth,
but she, from her poverty, has offered her whole livelihood.”

I remember seeing some sort of puppet video on this as a small child and it has always stuck with me, very vividly in fact. I think about it whenever I hear this particular passage. That's neither here nor there though, just one of those little things... What really struck me today was the reflection I read from The Navarre Bible's Texts and Commentaries on the Gospel of St. Luke. Particularly this part:

"The Lord does not look," St. John Chrysostom comments, "at the amount offered but at the affection with which it is offered." Generosity is of the essence of almsgiving. This woman teaches us that we can move God's heart if we give him all we can... (page 222)

I know the point Jesus was driving home in this particular parable was generosity with one's treasure, but in my mind this morning it went a bit further than that. Kolbe had a few fussy spells during the night and it was very frustrating for me. The selfish part of me was saying, "come on, you are snuggled up all cozy with your mama and have the opportunity to nurse whenever you please, why can't you just sleep peacefully so I can too?" Just like the rich people in today's Gospel passage were "giving from their surplus," I often do the same with my parenting. I give when it's easy, convenient and of little consequence to my personal life. But when it comes time to really dig in and give until it hurts, to donate my very self for the care and well-being and love of another, am I willing to do that? And, to take it a step further, am I willing to do it cheerfully, to offer my every action to God "with affection" so as to move His heart by lovingly and willingly giving Him all I can not just what I should? Gave me lots to ponder.

I don't know, obviously that is just my own rambling on the topic, but it really resonated with me and I wanted to share.

Thanks for checking in. God bless your week!