Frustrations..

Okay, so I really don't want this blog to turn into a platform to vent my frustrations, but in doing so once in awhile, I hope to maybe glean some advice from some of you other moms out there with wee-ones. If you simply don't care, or just don't want to hear about it, you may want to skip this post, and I promise to have some happy cute pictures and sweet stories to share in the very near future. For the rest of you...

Here goes. Miss Gemma is such a sweet little soul, don't get me wrong, but there are just a few things about which I have a few concerns. Namely her night-sleep, and some of her eating habits. She has never slept through the night. If I had known before she was born that I would be typing this note I probably would have had a heart attack right there on the spot. I'm much more cool with it now, I've done a lot of reading and I know this isn't totally out of the ordinary. At her best, she's gone through phases where she's awoken once or twice a night. We're definitely not at our best now. Here's how a typical night plays out at our house...she goes to bed (in her room) between 7:30 and 8, nurses to sleep about half the time, the other times she is rocked down by either me or Aaron. The first 4 or so hours of her night are relatively good. If she stirs she's usually able to resettle herself without help from mom or dad. However, that time-span from approximately midnight to four is incredibly rough. She's restless, she cries and gets upset, she nurses (which is fine with me if she's really hungry, determining whether she's hungry or just seeking comfort is what's difficult), sometimes she comes in our bed, sometimes she and Aaron go snuggle on the sofa, sometimes she and I rock. About the longest stretch she'll sleep during that period without needing mommy or daddy is 1 1/2 hours. It's frustrating. I know it is a time that I need to exercise patience, and look at it as an opportunity to grow in grace, but holy cow it is just getting to be too much some nights. Then once we get her resettled in her bed by 4/4:30, she typically sleeps well on her own until 7:30 or 8am, and again is able to resettle herself upon awakening (she often stirs a bit around 6:30-7 but then drops back off on her own). I just can't figure it out. Is it hunger? Is it teething (she currently has seven teeth, working on #8)? Am I doing something wrong? What's going on? She does nap well, some days better than others (as with any child) but her naps range from 1 1/2 to 3 hours in the afternoon (she dropped the AM nap around 10 months), and probably typically average just over 2 hours. So I think we're doing all right in that department. But the nights, oh the nights... Neither Aaron nor I are fans of the "cry it out" method. And not to judge people who do let their kids cry it out, but it just isn't for us. Of this we are very sure. But, that leaves us where we are. Wondering. Of course Aaron is more cool about everything, he is Mr. level-headed and doesn't really let much get him riled. Ever. He is so very good for me. I, on the other hand, must over-analyze everything, and this is just really getting me in a tizzy lately.

And then there's her issues with eating. Eating is something she has sporadically done well with, but never really has settled into being that "great eater" I always imagined she'd be. She goes through spurts where she eats a ton (growth spurts?) but other times it's tough to get her to eat more than 4-5 bites a meal (teething?) She still doesn't do well with finger foods at all. Oh she'll do cheerios and goldfish, or a slice of bread. Maybe a few bites of a scrambled egg. And then she will just chuck everything on the floor. Not maliciously, but by the same token it really isn't appropriate behavior. I've taken to grabbing the food when I catch her doing this and saying, "Oh, this is so sad, we don't throw our food. Food all gone," (a la Love and Logic) and then just taking the food. Funny thing is though, if I offer her more out of my hand, nine times out of ten she'll eat it from me. Aggghhh!! Then she'll get frustrated with me feeding her and want it on her tray again. And the circle repeats itself. She eats the rest of her meals from me on a spoon. With me holding her hands. Because she swats. And she doesn't always want to open her mouth. So she sputters and yells. Again, I know it's not malicious, but is this normal for a 13 month old? I thought by 13 months most kiddos were able to feed themselves pretty well. Any other type of finger food I put on her tray automatically hits the floor, so it just seems counterproductive to even try a whole lot of that. And when we do this meals where she gets a sum total of five or six bites, that can't be healthy. I do offer two snacks a day also, after nap and before bed. And (sorry to be graphic) she does poop well most of the time, so I would guess this would imply she's eating okay. But still, I look at other children's eating habits and just see things that I don't see in Gemma. I'll be honest, with her current eating habits I would never consider a restaurant with her.

So, for those of you who've made it this far, there you have it. I really don't want to sound whiney. I know I have it very good, and Gemma has so many sweet qualities that I can't stay upset for long. She is happy, loving, she plays well, she smiles almost constantly, she is learning to listen to directions and understand "no", she is just an all around joy. And when I hold that sleeping wee-little bundle after rocking her to sleep, my heart still melts just looking at her. Never-the-less, here I am, venting my frustrations. Any advice anyone would care to share is certainly appreciated, either as a comment on here or a message on my Facebook or email (monnimusic@yahoo.com)

Thank you!!! Happier topics next go-around, I promise!